Is table etiquette classist upper class mannerisms?

a famous celebrity Xiǎo S posted a photo of her two daughters eating at home with her, which then was criticized by Li Wen, the daughter of writer Li Ao, for improper table etiquette.

Li Wen then received backlash from the internet for being perceived as having an overly strong opinion on the daily lives of others. In response to the backlash, she wrote back several comments that ended up rubbing people the wrong way.

Here are some of the sentences in her comments that I roughly translated into English:

Quote:

“To be a public figure, especially one with such a high reputation, you must set a good example. With so much money, you can help children find experts, help them, and educate them….”

“It is understandable that your mother was not born into a good family, so why don’t you help your underage children with such good resources for your next generation.”

“This is a phenomenon in Taiwan, which I call the “Xiǎo S phenomenon” How many young people in Taiwan care about their basic etiquette now? They only care about gaming, being YouTubers, uber food delivery, plastic surgery, and blindly living every day, but they don’t know basic manners. Isn’t this the tragedy of Taiwan? Even Terry Gou has a problem with table manners, not to mention he is so wealthy.”

“​​Although everyone is insecure about their inferiority so they don’t listen to me, in the end, this is the so-called “poor people do more mischief”.”

And she ends her comments with the following sentence “So many Ethnically Chinese people I have seen in New York and San Francisco have brought these bad table manners abroad!”

I can understand why her comments rubbed so many people the wrong way. Because, first, even though she might have good intentions, her wording was, to be honest, blatantly classist, probably a bit ageist too. The final sentence of her statement, which revealed her anxiety about how ethnic Chinese people might be perceived in the United States, is also quite intriguing.

There is a lot to unpack here, so let’s delve deeper into this topic with PAA.”

Hi, I am Shao Chieh Lo, welcome to what people also ask, where I search something seemingly obvious and share with you some of its PAA, aka People Also Ask, which is a feature telling you what other people are searching on Google that relates to your query.

Today’s query is  “Is table etiquette classist?”.  I will try to dive into the nature of table etiquette and explore the idea of why some people think table etiquette is classist, and whether it’s inherently classist or it depends on the context and the way they are enforced or imposed.

So I want to start by first exploring this table-manners-shaming instance before discussing the nature of table manners itself. One interesting thing is that when Li Wen criticizes Xiǎo S, she also mentions that she thinks youths nowadays, in general, do not really care about table manners, which, understandably ruffles some feathers of those who identify themselves as youths.

In one article published by ChinaTimes which is a conservative-leaning newspaper in Taiwan, even titled 

“Are young people falling into the “Xiǎo S phenomenon?” which suggests that young people nowadays are lacking proper table manners.

This made me wonder whether the decline in table manners or at least the perceived decline in table manners is a recent phenomenon limited to younger generations. To investigate this, I decided to examine historical records for similar narratives or indications of the same issue in earlier times.

So

When do people start to think their youth lack table manners?

It turns out that the criticism of younger generations for having poor table manners is not at all a recent thing.

One New York Times archived article I found titled “TABLE MANNERS: A CASUALTY OF CHANGING TIMES” which was published in 1985 indicates that people at least have been saying that 40 years ago.

In this article, the author went on a tirade about their youth lacking table manners and attribute their loss of manners to the following reasons:

1. The demise of the traditional evening meal, when families gathered to eat and parents were quick to correct errant manners. 
2. The growth of fast food and ready-to-eat meals has also contributed to the decline in table manners. 
3. individual freedom has come to be valued over decorum, and as families have spent less time together at the dinner table, parents have failed to pass on society’s rules of the table.

Even it’s the earliest article that I found about people blaming their youths for lacking table manners, It is difficult to pinpoint an exact time in history when people began to think that younger generations lacked table manners, as this is a sentiment that has likely existed for centuries.

Different generations have always had their own customs, and it is common for older generations to feel that younger ones do not adhere to the same standards of etiquette that they were raised with.

The concept of table manners has evolved over time, with specific customs and etiquette rules changing depending on the culture and historical context. As these changes occur, it is natural for some individuals to perceive that the younger generation lacks proper table manners.

The perception that younger generations lack table manners is not a new phenomenon, and it has likely existed in various forms throughout history. This perception is influenced by evolving social norms, cultural factors, and the natural generational gap that arises as society continues to change.

I want to mention one interesting detail about this article is that the author mentioned Judith Martin, the author of the popular syndicated etiquette column back then called “Miss Manners,” attributed the decline of table manners to the nation’s founders and their emphasis on equality and disdain for insincere politeness. Martin suggested that this trend may have originated with Thomas Jefferson himself.

The reason Jefferson attempted to ease the rules of diplomatic ranking during his presidency was that he believed they imposed artificial distinctions among men who were created equal.

This perspective, in terms, indirectly affected American people’s view of table manners as a form of classism because they can create unnecessary distinctions between people and may not always reflect a person’s true character or values.

That lead to the topic we mainly want to discuss today:

Is table manner classist?

An article titled “Why Table Manners Still Matter” published by Times, insinuates that table manners are not inherently classist because their purpose is to show respect and consideration for others, regardless of social class.

By knowing and adhering to appropriate table manners, you demonstrate your understanding of cultural norms and your ability to adapt to different situations. 

This can be particularly helpful in business dealings, as showing respect for someone’s culture is an invaluable skill.

Furthermore, good table manners can create a positive impression on others, potentially leading to personal or professional advancement. In this context, table manners are seen as a tool for effective communication and relationship-building, rather than a way to enforce class distinctions.

However, while we all know showing respect and consideration for others during a meal is important, some would argue it does not automatically make table etiquette classism-free. 

And judging someone’s characteristics based on table manners or etiquette in general, and the idea of good etiquette could lead to personal or professional advancement might actually be classist by itself. 

An article titled “Making Etiquette for everyone again – despite, or Because of, its Weaponization” was published by Salon.com which is a news and opinion website that covers a wide range of topics related to politics, culture, entertainment, and technology.

The article began with the sentence quote “Proper etiquette can be a blessing and a boon to our interactions . . . provided it isn’t used as a weapon.”

In this article, the author Melanie McFarland, an American television critic and journalist,  recounts an early life experience where she participated in a major metropolitan newspaper’s summer program. 

During the program, a brief interaction with one of the newsroom’s managers led to an invitation for lunch at a nice restaurant. The manager said little during the meal, leaving Melanie to carry on the conversation, which was impolite but not as problematic as the manager’s real intention. 

The manager was closely observing Melanie’s etiquette, such as how she ate her soup, which forks she used for salad, and how she held her utensils. These were all things that Melanie’s mother had taught her from a young age.

At the end of the meal, the manager praised Melanie’s manners while making derogatory remarks about the other kids in the program, most of whom were also ethnic minorities like Melanie herself. A day later, Melanie was assigned to the newspaper’s research department as an assistant, which led to interactions with famous writers and connections with their editors.

Melanie emphasizes that this story is not a triumphant story, as her memory of the meal is entwined with humiliation and shame. 

When she asked her mother if it was wrong to accept the opportunity, she advised her to embrace her good fortune and never forget the circumstances that led to it. 

According to her, that meal played a major role in obtaining her first major break into professional journalism. But it also provided her first lesson on how the rules of etiquette can be wielded to be classist and racist.

This idea of table etiquette could be classist or even racist might ruffle a lot of people’s feathers, some might even argue that the very idea of table etiquette could be classist or racist itself IS classist and racist, because it insinuates people from lower classes or ethnic minorities can not learn proper table manners.

Nevertheless, It is crucial to acknowledge that individuals possessing financial resources and cultural capital undoubtedly enjoy greater access to refined table manners, as suggested by Li Wen’s remark to Xiao S: “It is understandable that your mother was not born into a good family, so why don’t you help your underage children with such good resources for your next generation.”

And another comment from Li Wen also mentioned one session of her international business etiquette class cost 500 dollars, which obviously those without dispensable income would not be able to afford.

In addition,  many of the table etiquette rules we are familiar with today were indeed historically designed by the aristocracy to distinguish themselves from the common folk and preserve their social standing.

And Europe-centric traditions have a significant impact on table manners, particularly in the context of fine dining.

An article titled “Manners Don’t Encourage Good Behavior, Just Class Discrimination” published by The Swaddle.com which is a website that covers a wide range of topics related to Indian and global culture argues that table manners are classist because they were historically designed by the aristocracy to distinguish themselves from the common folk and preserve their social standing. 

The article argues that table manners and social etiquette were originally designed to create a distinction between the aristocracy and the common people, ensuring the preservation of power and social standing for the privileged. With time, these rules became even more crucial for maintaining social hierarchies as new sources of wealth emerged.

For example, Erasmus, a 16th-century thinker, helped establish various social etiquette rules that still persist today. The development of table manners in Europe during the Renaissance period was a way for the nobility to create a clear distinction between the wealthy and the poor, often leading to the creation of unnecessary and unaffordable dining items. Like there were pudding spoons and oyster forks and fish knives and asparagus tongs, completely unbeknownst to the common folks.

By the 18th and 19th centuries, the land was no longer the only source of wealth, weakening aristocratic power, so social etiquette became an even more important tool for distinction and power preservation. The nouveau riche adopted manners and style in an attempt to gain access to elite circles. Those who failed to conform were considered unworthy of affluence and closed networks of old money.

In countries colonized by European powers, such as India, Western etiquette combined with local traditions and the pervasive caste system to make differentiating between people and performing superiority even easier.

Failure to adhere to social etiquette rules may lead others to believe that an individual lacks refinement, comes from a lower socio-economic background, or is not from quote on quote “a good family”.

The pervasive global anxiety to live up to the standard set primarily by European powers may explain why Li Wen expressed her own anxiety in her comment:

“So many ethnically Chinese people I have seen in New York and San Francisco have brought these bad table manners abroad!” which insinuates that people from Western Culture have better table etiquette, which is obviously not the case by the way. I have been to both cities and saw how people eat there.

At mealtimes, throughout history, various cultures have used table manners as a means of reinforcing the social status of higher classes. For example, ​​in traditional Chinese banquets, guests would be seated according to their social status, with the most honored guests seated at the head of the table. The host would also serve the most prestigious dishes to these guests first.  

And in ancient China, proper use of chopsticks was seen as a sign of good breeding and education. The elite was expected to handle chopsticks with grace, precision, and elegance, reflecting their social status.

So is table manner classist? Well, while it does have a somewhat classist root in the context of history, the question of whether table manners are classist is a highly debated issue in modern society. 

I have compiled some pros and cons arguments as followed:

Table manners might not be classist because:

1. Basic courtesy: Some table manners, such as not talking with one’s mouth full or using utensils properly, can be seen as a basic courtesy rather than classist behavior. These manners promote hygiene, cleanliness, and respect for others at the table.
2. Social cohesion: Table manners can promote a sense of unity and cooperation among people sharing a meal, creating an environment of respect and consideration for others.
3. Cultural exchange: Learning and adopting table manners from various cultures can foster understanding and appreciation for diversity, promoting cross-cultural exchange and breaking down class barriers.

Table manners might be classist because:

1. Cultural imposition: Table manners are often based on the norms and customs of a particular culture or social class, which may not be universally applicable or understood. Imposing these manners on people from different backgrounds may create barriers and reinforce class divisions.
2. Social exclusion: Those who are not familiar with specific table manners might feel excluded or judged, leading to social segregation based on one’s ability to adhere to certain etiquette rules.
3. Economic inequality: Table manners often reflect the lifestyle and habits of the upper class, which can perpetuate the idea that certain behaviors or tastes are superior to others. This can reinforce social hierarchies and contribute to the marginalization of lower-income individuals.

In conclusion, table manners might and might not be perceived as classist depending on the context and the way they are enforced or imposed. 

It is essential to approach table manners with cultural sensitivity and an open mind, allowing for an inclusive and respectful dining experience.

And most importantly, we must refrain from weaponizing table manners and using them as a basis for judging a person’s character or as a criterion for selecting candidates for career advancement, especially if the position or promotion has no relevance to table manners.

As Melanie McFarland wrote in her article “ “Proper etiquette can be a blessing and a boon to our interactions . . . provided it isn’t used as a weapon.”

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